Dear Commenters On ALL Online Articles

Below are the rules I propose for decency and civility in online commenting. Take them or leave them, but I think the world would be about 10 billion times better if these were observed:

1) If you call someone anything under the broad label of cretin-ishness, you yourself are now a cretin.

2) The expression “lol” automatically nullifies any points you have previously made that would have otherwise been considered. More than one utilization of this expression per comment and your account shall be blocked.

3) One exclamation point accomplishes the task at hand, two or more is excessive and unnecessary.

4) Any username that includes the words “death”, “metal”, “America”, “freedom” or “Justin” and/or “Beiber” automatically ranks you high on the list of suspect/benign absurdity.

5) Proper nouns should be capitalized and punctuation marks, contrary to popular opinion, ought to utilized.

6) Everyone stopped caring after the first paragraph of your five-page response. The only person who read the entire thing was you.

7) Religion doesn’t cause all wars, all Muslims aren’t killers, some Republicans are charitable and there are a few Democrats out there who believe in and worship God. If you can’t admit to these inherent realities, then you’ve no business sharing your opinions with the rest of the universe.

8) Freedom of speech does not mean freedom to stupidity.

9) Comments aimed towards conversation are much more effective than comments aimed towards conversion to your viewpoint.

10) Did I mention punctuation? Use it. Thank you.

11) Basic, elementary-level grammar. See above.

12) Spell check. Again, see above.

13) Using the phrase “try me” in an internet comment thread should is to be regarded with in the same manner as gambling on a pee-wee football game.

14) If you can’t say anything nice, then change your shirt, get a job, eat something other than Cheetos for breakfast and stop trolling. 

15) I am not Jesus or God, but if I were, I certainly wouldn’t appreciate being dragged into these ridiculous arguments. “Leave me out of it.”- God (I suspect) regarding troll wars.

16) Scripture is only a culturally appropriate and valid response to the question: “Hey do any random Christians out there have some biblical quotations that applies to this situation they’d like to share?” Personally, I’ve never seen this request…. so quit throwing it around.

16) When in doubt, just remember:


The same goes for all dem bloggers, especially ones that vent their frustrations with the world through vindictive lists on their websites.

They’re the worst.