Every year, at about this time, I am reminded of something I’d spent the six months following last Christmas trying to forget: radio stations still play “Christmas Shoes.”
Why? I don’t know. But whenever this reminder comes, I can’t help bemoaning my decision to part ways with those old Ayn Rand audiobooks, so I could listen to them instead. Whenever I hear the song for the first time, I long for that old mix-tape I recorded of myself in high school, the one where I cover “Good Riddance” with angst-filled power-chords and vocals that sound like a garage door closed on a coyote’s tail… just so I could listen to that instead.
Because hearing “Christmas Shoes” on the radio is like being forced to eat fifteen Taco Bell burritos on Thanksgiving morning; it’s like someone insisting that you read Twilight as a prerequisite to beginning your master’s degree in Literature; like a wet, muddy dog leading a bridal procession down the isle. Once it’s done, you can’t undo it. And Christmas, though wonderful, majestic, glorious and hopeful, will never be the same. Not after hearing this song.
You can’t pour laxative into your ears (though, heaven knows I’ve tried); you can’t unhear “Christmas Shoes.”
In case you agree, here’s the 5 best ways to survive hearing this song.
Best of luck.
Oh, and happy almost St. Nick’s day.