Searching

To the Representative for Universal Studios in Hollywood:

Me: Hello! I’m a talented young actor that has a lot of experience, and I’m looking for a job!

Them: Talk to me, baby-cakes!

Me: Um…(baby-cakes?)…well…I’m really talented, and I love acting, and I’m thinking a more serious, stoic role-

Them: What have you done before?

Me: Well, I was in a commercial.

Them: Gnarly. What was it? Axe commercial? Ripped abs and females flocking?

Me: Um. Sorta. Jeep Wrangler and kayaks capsizing.

Them: …Um, okay. We’ll work with it. What else?

Me: I was the mayor in “Christmas at the O.K. Chorale”!

Them: When was that produced?

Me: Hm, lessee…late nineties.

Them: Did we produce it?

Me: No, it was a production of Mason Elementary School. Three booked showings.

Them: ….

Me: Hello?

Them…

Me: …hey…um…baby-cakes?

Them: Try Disney.

 

 

At the start of one of my kayak tours:

Me: So where are you all from?

Them: Um…New York area.

Me: Excellent, and what do you do there?

Them: Oh, I own a software company, we do differ-

Me: Sweet! Wanna hire me?

Them: What?

 

 

To the bank teller:

Me: Here you go. Here’s my money. Still not too much…

Them: Thanks, here’s your deposit slip.

Me: Are you hiring?

Them: Am I what?

Me: Hiring. Can I work here? Please? I’m fun, creative, have a degree, and I really like puppies, and customers and things that make me hirable….

Them: Actually, we are looking for part time help in one of our stores up north…

Me: YES!

Them: We need someone that’s bilingual though…any chance you speak French?

 

 

On the phone with L.L. Bean:

Them: Well…yes…yes we did review your application. And, um, you’re a solid applicant. We think you might be a good fill for this job, but…

Me: ….but what?

Them: Well, you look great on paper and all…it’s just that…um…

Me: ….yes?

Them: Well, we misread your application. When we saw “Bryn” we immediately thought you were a girl, and we need a female for this position.

To the Police officer that pulled me over:

Me: Here’s my license and registration, sir. Say, ya’ll wouldn’t happen to be hiring down there at the station wouldja?

 

 

To the manager at a local ski resort:

Them: Well, you have a decent application and your references spoke highly of you, so let’s get on with the interview.

Me: Great!

Them: So do you have a lot of skiing experience?

Me: Yes! I’ve been skiing since I was 9.

Them: Great, great. Where have you skied?

Me: Oh, um…well…mostly, in the west.

Them: So Colorado…Montana…Utah?

Me: Uh..yea… sorta.

Them: Where exactly?

Me: Well, mostly Ohio, Indiana and Wisconsin.

Them: ….

Me: Hello?

Them: I thought you said out west?

Me: That is west! West of here….

Click!

Me: Hello?

 

 

At a local restaurant:

Them: So do you have a college degree?

Me: I need a college degree to work here?

Them: Not necessarily, but with today’s economy, jobs are wicked competitive.

Me: Then yes, I have a college degree.

Them: Where’d you go? Was it (enter list of east-coast-private-schools-with-fake-European-accents-on-the-vowels)??

Me: Um, no. Sorry. I went to school in the Midwest.

Them: Okay, where?

Me: Wheaton College.

Them: Oh. Well, I’ve never heard of it.

Me: ….

Them: Try McDonald’s.

 

 

To all of the above:

Me: Well, okay. I understand. But could you at least check out my blog? Please. It’s the least you could do….

 

 

 

And so, the job search continues….

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2 thoughts on “Searching

  1. I love that you encourage us, as readers, to laugh alongside you in your plight. Thanks for the enjoyable reads and thanks for being so honest. Praying for your job search, Bryn (and especially hoping that you’ll end up back in Chicago)!

  2. Calgary, would be perfect for you, Kayaking, skiing, lots of adventure & not bad job prospects. Thanks for sharing and so candidly at that. Helps make the rest of us feel more normal. ;o)

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